Nuh UH!!!

You’re a Liberal? Are you kidding??? No you’re not. You’re a right wing nut job. Admit it. At least try and get used to it and here’s why. Eventually (after years of bludgeoning you) this is going to explain why you’re really not a liberal even if you think you are. Trust me.

Dear Liberals,
When was the last time you thought, “Gee, isn’t it great that we get to pay all these taxes?” Never. Don’t lie. That’s the first thing you’re going to have to stop doing. Right wingers, TRUE right wingers, don’t lie and you shouldn’t either. Taxes suck. Think about why we have all these taxes. THINK! That’s something thing you’re going to have to start doing.

Wait. I can see this isn’t going to be of any help to a liberal. They’ll be offended by now and have moved on. So, you, oh fellow right winger, YOU must read this as a liberal would and then go out and convert all of your liberal friends. This is your mission and this here fancy blog space will help. Maybe. Or not. We’ll see. So let’s start over.

The first thing we’re going to have to do when we convert our liberal friends is to understand that they’re not really liberals. They’re not. There’s only a few true liberals in this country and they’re incredibly rich and probably in some type of government job. Our friends that think they’re liberals fall into a few categories (and probably more than one):

1. They think it’s cool to be liberal because their friends are.
2. They have big hearts and think the government can solve problems.
3. They like the phrase “I’m ok, you’re ok.”
4. They think Bill Clinton balanced the budget when he was president.
5. They think Rudy Giulianna is a right winger.
6. They don’t know that Al Gore said he helped create the internet.
7. They like Al Gore.
8. They like today’s unions.
9. They don’t understand the difference between today’s unions and the unions of yesteryear.
10. They're dirt poor and fantasize that the government can save them because politicians keep telling them that.
11. They're rich or well off and think the government must save everyone that's not as rich as them that they feel sorry for and for some reason don't believe the "lesser folk" can do anything without the government.

Um it just occurred to me that our friends have too many categories for me to list right now. I have to wash dishes. This will be enough to start with, though…